D as in depression, initial D? like a boss huh?

Okay hi.. How do u guys do this past few weeks?? marvelous? devastating? feeling a sudden waves of great and almighty feelings? or getting the blows of depression and sentimental out from nowhere? well exactly, this is what messing with me all this time, making me like a fool, just a fool. I imagine myself sitting on a roller coaster,  concede all of myself to it, adhere to the tides of the vehicle, let myself stupidly following the play, and ended up myself in a confusing state, where my mind reached the point where i'm too tired to follow the tides, suffered from the sickening rides, but could do nothing about it. just imagine you, have been riding it so many times you couldn't even remember, locked up tight with the broken seat belt and yet u still have to submit urself to the endless rides, ur mind can't catch up anymore, and eventually you ended like a stupid empty shell, gazing straight to the air, thinking something when you don't even have the so-called brain to use for. yeah.. something like that, i feel that i'm suffering from depression, so i am turning from an idiot into nuts huh?? well, i like nuts somehow,,

I am not feeling like myself, i can suddenly feel so happy and turning sad a second later, i find myself spacing out more often. i prefer to stay alone and not feel like to interact with "human", but i got severe loneliness with me. i want to kill and crush every skull of them i meet on street, i'm losing my appetite at decent meals time, and eat hell lot of things when i feel like it. i've been losing my sleep at night, and sleep like dead at day. sometimes i sleep less than 5 hours and sometimes more than 12 hours. i keep thinking of how useless i am as a human, but find myself admiring how great i am in ruining my life. i'm a pro, now i am sucked up, yeah pretty much fucked up. 

Believe yourself!

one year, i recalled, the amount of time have i spent in the darkness. i lost myself in thoughts, trying to bear it all on my own, created a barrier to separate myself from the society. i used to think i can do it alright, i can bear it, i can take it on my own. and before i know it, i put myself in the disadvantages. i manipulated my mind and lied to myself. a year, indeed, i have lived my life in it. but now, i can't bear it no more, i can't take it anymore. I've had enough. i fed up with all this architecture things. i am sick of being the class's idiot, i don't want to take any strange gaze every time i don't know what to answer. i hate it every time i lost myself in wondering where did all of this stupid things come from. i hate being the useless one in the class. i hate it when no body want to approach you since you're not useful. This thought had been stirring up in my mind for the whole semester. which the climax was last week. this made me so depressed and really want to escape from everything. i talked to a lot of my friends, listening to their opinion, but still, no motivation seems to enter my mind. Nothing can make me to stay anymore. i can't imagine myself sitting between them enduring the stress anymore. I DON"T WANT IT ANYMORE!!! i... i'm.. afraid. i don't have the courage to show up, with my stupid design anymore. and i realize i never really like what i do for the whole year, but refuse to accept it. but now, i understand. it's not just the matter of surviving. so finally, i come up with this solution, after talking to my family, i cried a lot (excuse me okay), and they support me for every step i took. they also let me to drop my architecture and change my major. So, now the only thing i need to do is to believe in myself. No regret is allowed. and think properly for my destination. One year of hardship and experience should be use properly.

Okay.. Believe and live your life...