Happy one year anniversary!!!!

26.. These numbers might be just another ordinary number for most people. But these numbers meant a lot to me, to us, who came to this alien country last year. Indeed, 26 june 2014, the beginning of everything. The new chapter in my life which has brought so much changes to me. From that day begins, everything is a new for me. New country, new life style, new friends, new foods, yeah..

"Awalnya itu gue sangat menanti-nantikan datangnya ini hari. Gue, yang masih bisa dikatakan innocent, yang belum pernah merasakan rasanya keluar negri sendiri, meninggalkan keluarga, dan menjalani kehidupan baru sendiri, dengan tidak sabarnya pengen cepet cepet meninggalkan indo. Rasanya pengen cepet" bebas, pengen merasakan gimana sih rasanya hidup jauh dari orang tua. Gimana sih rasanya hidup di komunitas orang orang yang gaya hidupnya itu sangat berbeda dengan gaya hidup tpt gue tumbuh besar, gimana sih rasanya beradaptasi dengan lingkungan baru dan bersosialisasi dengan bahasa yang baru. Rasanya pasti keren, menabjubkan, bahkan thrilling yet fun".

I used to think that way. I used to think of how easy it will be to do that. I never think that it will be this hard to do. Honestly i do, i have put into my account about how much i need to prepare to face the condition when everything isn't going as expected. But you know, just prepared and imaginate wasn't enough though. You'll never know how hard it will be until you have feel it your own. No matter how good you know bout the situation. It will never be enough. I know that so well.

"jauh-jauh sebelum gue berencana utk melanjutkan studi di sini. Mungkin ketika gue masih duduk di bangku smp. Saya berasumsi bahwa "wah.. Keren yah sekolah ke luar negri.. Keceh bener itu orang wow. Pasti pinter banget"
Iyah ituu.. , saya pikir bahwa hanya pinter aja itu dpaat buat orang dengan mudahnya utk keluar negri dan bertahan hidup disana, i can laugh at how clueless i was, how simple my mind was.  And i wish if only i can still think as simple and clueless as i used to be it will be much easier to handle, right." ohh.. I was way too clueless hahaha..

And as i tried to live my new life, struggle to adapt, to make a new friend, get used to the new environment, one year has passed. Time flies. Its like everything still feel so vivid and clear to me. I can still get the fast images of my life here flipping rapidly. Leaving a brief stop to let me peek inside the frame and get the memories. I can feel them alongside with me.

"The memory from when i parted from my family, the memory of me chasing the plane i almost missed, the memory of the awkward moment i made in plane when it was going to land, the times when i first stepped my feet on taiwan land, the moment we got scolded badly just a second after we checked out by the seniors whom will be taking care of us for the next two months before we entered the university, the moment when i saw my temporarily university, and how i surprised i was when i saw the bedroom, the moment when i met other friends from aceh, pekanbaru, palembang, jakarta, bandung, semarang, malang and surabaya, who will fight together for two months to decide our future university. The times i spent together with them, on the same roof, everyday we meet each other, share the same feeling, going through the days together, whether it was sad or happy. The moment when we all have a blast together, where we shared each other smile happily. When we all have felt like a family. The times when everyone was so sad and crying missing their family, when we all gpt so scared when get scolded by the senior, like they are going to kill us. Although these two months felt like a military dicipline, amd so strict, but thanks to the bond and kinship between us has gotten more and more stronger.
The times when we studied so hard fighting for future, when we all got the exams together.
The happy memories from the field trip we took after the exam.
The time when we got the exam result and the university. I can still remember the happy faces of people that got admitted in their dream univ, those whom result weren't as expected, those whom didn't even get the chance for the university, and those who doesn't even know what they should feel for the moment.
And then the last moment when we finally parted. The images of friends that were disappearing one by one. Everybody, day by day, left our temporarily university and went their new university, included me. And unfortunately some of them will back to indo since there are not getting any uni or get the uni the dont even want.
We were all separated by our own dreams and future, but one thing we know for sure,  for some moments in our life, there exist a beautiful days and moments we have ever shared together. The days when we could the the fire flickered in every person eyes, the courage, the dreams, and the spirits of the teenage.
WE WERE ALL THE AWESOME TEENAGE!!!
Thanks for the carry all!!! It was indeed the best moments i have ever ever feel in my life.. Everr!! Love you guys so much!! You guys rockss!!!!!

And this was the slight story of my superr happy two months. I was happy to get admitted in this univ although it wasnt my first choice but i still like it.. But it wasn't last long. The worst always came after the best. Indeed, as soon as i started my architecture journey, everything changed. oMG, it was so hell here.. I believe you who has follow my story up till now will know bput my story, so i won't ruined my mood now and skipped this part.
And everthing was like this, i undergo my first semester, it was the worst semester ever. I almost decide to drop out from school due to the stress. After that i spent the winter break and chinese new year in indonesia!! Yihaaa.. Shortlyy.. I was back again to taiwan (also at 26th hahahaaha) and started my second semester. Fortunately, i had been get used to this thing now, and the stress wasnt as great as last semester. I think it is also because i get a nice teacher yeah..
But you know.. The real architecture starts from the third semester. Literally, the first year just for warming up for the next semester.. I don't know whether i should feel happy to have past my two hellist semester or i need to get stressed looking foward to the second year.
But you know, i dont even have time for that.. Summer holiday has come!!! Yihaaa and you know what it means?? It means !!! MORE HOMEWORK IS WAITING FOR YOU DUDE!! Even Death is not an excuse for architecture student, so is summer holiday!! Hell yaa!!!
I think it is just too unjustice, we have gone through our semester dead and alive, we even got our free time robbed away. Can they just give us a little exception for summer break?!! Cant they even let us have normal summer break like any other people would.. The teacher are not a human! Student supposed to rest and you DO know that since you used to  be ONE! ==".. And for the zillions times in my life, i thought i've made a TERRIBLE mistake.. This is insannee.. OMOOO... Just wish me luck!! I need to survive here.. Need the best best best of braveness, persistence and courage and ofc energy!! Wawaeaeawawawawawawawa
And yeah another teribble mistake i've made!! I took a partime job for summer, and the forgot to manage the schedule to fit with my hellas homeworks!! The job only left me 5 hours free time exclude from 8 hours of sleep. And in that 5 hours i need to eat my breakfast, twice of showers, and the commotion time. So simply put that, if i svae as much time as possible, i can have 1-2 hours everyday to do my homework. And even kids know it is far from enough. I dont know how to survive my summer break. I hope i could make it through.. Trying to speak with the manager to get two days or one day break every week, wish me luck!!

Happy summer all...
Hope you all have an amazing summer.
I believe every summer will leave us an unforgettable an immeasurable moment!!

暑假快樂!!

Case Closed

如果你願意一晨一晨一晨的剥开我的心
If you willing to layers by layers, peel and look inside my heart
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
You will build up in tears
只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意。
Just only if you can see or hear my whole heart, whole feeling.

I really love this song.. Its like describing my whole complicated feeling.
Maybe some people will think what the heck is going on with me. He is just crazy, just why did he keep pestered by all of this thing. All i can say is, u need to feel for u to understand. No matter how umuch u understand, how much you tried to feel it, unless u got it on ur own, u will definetely get what i mean by all this times.
Just to tell u, i dont want to give any shitto that anymore. I'll just let it be. Just try to live this way since i wasn't such a bad kind of life to live. It is just because u made urself to think this way. Your expectation that kind of perfect social life is just too overbroad. Helloo.. This is not some kind of drama u watch in television. This is life broo.. And life is never easy. Life is cruel. That's the first point why we are alive now anyway. To amend and atone for our sins.
But life isn't always cruel. It just depends how you are living your life. Just enjoy it. You dont need to spend your entire time to keep questioning about your ansos life. Since you still have alot more interesting things to do. You'll find so much you can do with that time you waste. Alone don't always a bad idea. People were born alone to this world anyway lol..
Yang penting, i dont care anymore. I am not alone. There are aloott of people in this world that is having thus kind of problem, or even even worse. Just because you are sick of your circle dont mean you need to let that sickness affected your life. So this problems are concluded this way..
Hahahaha.. No more post about this shit, and im going to end this now.

Okay, so lately i've been losing sleep.. Just kidding, most of my class has over now so i can sleep until whatever time it is. The crazy thing is, cause of my  whole "staying up all night" things, my sleep cycle has gotten even more crazier. Day has become my night literally. Just to be more actual, it is 06.10 in the morning now, and i havent even get to sleep. Cool isnt it. But still class over doesn't mean the homework has over. I still have two class homework need to be done by 30/6
So basically, it is alot more tranquil now but still not reaching the definition of freedom.
Speaking of freedom, entering architecture school, that means you have sold away your freedom to the teacher. The freedom that u safe securily with your life, has lost. Architecture means no freedom. Even in holiday. It is even worse if you got a holiday, the teacher will just adding extra to you since u'll be hhaving more free time.
Like this summer holiday. Which is 2months and a half long. Such a long time and the best time for u to start you long planned activities that havent been done till now.
Summer holiday, the thought that would have come to people mind is vacation, freedom, the only time i can finally get a rest from all the shit in the semester. I can finally get a rest and going into hibernation.
But not for achitecture. Although the curriculum has been more harder and
Dense than others, but still they dont give any happy holiday to us.
The teacher just give us the accumulation of homework you will get in that amount of time.. Mampus inggris hancur bener ini.. Lol
Not much lahh.. Only two kinds of homework.. Two kinds..   ........ 😐
The first "areee" 480 drawings to be done.. Holy shitss whatdepakk.. Wat da hell.. Are yoymu fukcing kidding mehh??!!
Hellooo its 480 brooo not 48. Even 48 are so much alreadyy..
Even if i managed to finished 10 a day i will need 48days =="" only if i do.

Ga puas gurunya hanya kasih 480bijiks gambar.  Dikasih lagi peer kedua.
Which is 8 models. You need to design a vacation house. Included with the interior. The concept. The development and eveyrhing. And 8 maquettes and 4 posters minimal shit shit shitt.. Is this holiday or what.. You are insane.. This is the typical of second year teacher. Belum masuk tahun kedua udah kek gini.. Mau jadi apa aku pas tahun kedua.. Shity babi anjing laut kura kura betinaaaaa..

Hanya ada satu pesan dari saya

DONT TAKE ARCHITECTURE !!

"Kalo mau hidup normal"

As soon as you enter, you'll be taken farr awayy from what it is being in a normal life means.

Iam the victim. We are the victim!!
Hanya saja sudah terlanjur apa boleh buat hikss.. Jalani saja..
Architecture + shitty circle + chiitty seniors + shitty languages + shitty people done udah.. Hufft.. What a cool life.. Hahaha
Kapan lagi kan bisa gini.. Kehidupan uni yang menabjubkan.. Kan dipikir pikir keren juga.. Jarang" ada yg kek ginian.. Enamtar juga bakalan jadi pengalaman yg indah dan tak terlupakan. Bahkan mungkin entar gue bakalan merindukan saat saat seperti ini.. Saat" guesibuk banget sampe mau gilak dgn jurusan ini, saat saat gue galau beratt, saat saat gue sendiri dan bisa melakukan dan menikmati hal hal Hanya bisa didapati waktu sendiri. Semua ini berupa pengalaman, experience and memories build up your life. And i soe point in your life, you'll miss this moment so so so bad.. 😁😁 dan sekali lagi semua ini hanya di arsitektur.
Fedrik hansen dari jurusan arsitektur mengabarkan...
Night fellasss ----- 06.46am

Do i even exist?

okay.. so the only reason why you saw this blog updated is either i really have something worth of writing or iam really fuck off.. zzz and you know what it is this time =="

pernah ga sih elu merasa elu berada di suatu situasi, di suatu perkumpulan, atau apapun itu tapi rasanya elu itu kek ga dianggap? like you bahkan ga merasa u ada tempat di dunia ini. hanya macem sampah yg ga berarti? seperti bayangan di siang hari yang bahkan tidak diperhatiin oleh orang". rasanya itu ..... sakitt... rasanya itu bahkan lebi parah dari dicabik cabik, rasanya elu bahkan merasa bukan seperti manusia, elu kek merasa, why do you even exist in the first place? why? am i exist just to fill the space of that as an invincible or sth like that. do i even exist in this world? apakah gue itu beneran ada ato cuma ilusi ilusi yang diciptakan buat mengisi dunia ini. gue bahkan uda gatau mesti emosi kek gimana. rasanya itu capek.. lelah.. i don't know what else to do instead of just writing stuffs. gue bahkan ga da org yg bisa dijadikan tpt merepet. karena pada akhirnya gue hanya akan berakhir lebih hurted. yah orang" hanya akan.. "oh gitu, sabar yah" yah itu memang jawaban yang lajim, and i understand that. but yah they just dont even care. why should they care? why should they spent their precious time just to care for somebody who doesn't even worth a shadow. it isnot even their problem, and everytime, i just ended up hurted deeper. it just make me think that i maybe really don't exist anywhere in this world. nobody understand me, and nobody would. (anjing lah ini kamar ribut kali kampret!! pulang lah cepet sana!! ribut kali kau jadi org arrghh) emosii arggghhhhhhhh.... i really reaallyy hate humann.. why human must be this rude.. iam trying to be nice with everybody, but yah.. i got nothing from that. its worthless.. but it is my nature to be that way and i was used to be this way since i was small.. iam the one that care deeply about how others will think, its like i keep prioritizing others feeling first before mine. and i ended up to be the one that is dissapointed and frustated. nobody understand me in which iam the one that need the most affections. Okay, this personallity is annoying. the personality that don't give a shit about others is better since they will always live happily without even putting people bussiness in their mind. ( adoh plis jangan ribut skrang bisa ga sih, w udah bisa bunuh orang ini==""""" i hope u go home now or stay silent monyettt)

yah semua bermula dari acara makan bersama guru grup arsitek gue. sebenarnya gue itu lebih memilih buat makan fancy sendirian dari pada mesti gabung sama org" yang bahkan ga peduli ma gue. it really doesn't worth it. habisin kira" 200k idr hanya buat lunch yang bahkan ga gue nikmati sama sekali. gue bahkan disana ga berselera. even menunya smua mereka yang milih, which is still okay for me since i dont have the mood to read the menu. parahnya kek panggangan bbqnya di domisili ma mreka. dan gue hanya menjepit jepit daging yg sudah mereka bakar.. tahapa aja. yah w karena orgnya cincai yah biarin aaja.. yg paling nyesek pas mereka mulai ngobrol".. fyi we have been in the same group for a semester. but our relationship hasn't get any further. yah gue dengerin mrka ngobrol gaje sama guru sambil refill minuman dengan tiga macem minuman berbeda terus menerus. sialnya hape gue udah mati, so i need to like pay attention to them. but i did spacing out the whole time. grup w itu ada satu orang taiwan yg dari kecil tgl di amrik jadi mandarinnya hancur juga. but, segrup itu kek smua pada peduli ama dia. kek apa apa mrka ngurusin terus. dibantu".. di ajak ngobrol walau dia ga ngrti. di tanya"in. wait! they don't ever ask me anything this whole semester. padahal kita hanya berdelapan yang stuck di semester 2 ini. but yeah, gue kek kena left out gitu.. the only thing that my studio teacher asked me was do you go back to malaysia this summer. helloo.. im indonesiann.. we meet every week but u don't even know im from indonesian. the first time i corrected you from being mistaken me from vietnam, i have already said that iam indonesian. and and and ==".. u reaally dont carreee.. u only care from the american one. all of them keep asking question to him. how are u doing this semester.. it must be hard since u are not from taiwan. what at=re you going to do for summer? and many more.. gue mendengar itu, hanya bisa duduk terdiam, tersenyum sangar sambil bermain" dgn gelas minum gue. and i was spacing out again.. singkat cerita setlah makan kita mengambil bbrpa foto bersama, and i at least tried not to fake a smile. i still remember the last time i took a photo with them, all of the comment was about how fake my smile was. after struggling to get the best smile i could afford that time, we parted with the teacher and going back school. on the way every one is walking 2 by 2. we are 8 but one of the girl parted sooner so i left me out odd. yeah gue macem angin yang berharap dapat cepet" bisa berdiam di tempat tujuan tanpa harus berterbangan ga da arah dgn mrka lagi. arrghhh i hate humannnnn!! humann!! they are not treating me as a human nor a friend. just like some stranger yang keberadaannya ga penting. padahal gue udah baik" ma mrka, trying to start a conversation, asking bout their condition whatever but but but arggghhh shittoopiii.. ah i hate thiss... why the amrik yang bahkan kek ga peduli ma apa apa di peduliin terus ma mereka.. it is fvking annoying.. just what did i do wrongg... why does it look like nobody want to befriend me here. am i really that annoying? that disgusting or whateverr..??? it is so painful.. rasanya aduhh mau gimana bilang.. i can't even describe it with words.
im so soory to make u guys keep reading this kind of post. but this is the only way i can describe all my feelings. though it is not really all out but at least it can make me feel better.. this is why i create this blog in the first place. only from writing alone can 1 describe about my complicated feeling. iam not good in expressing directly sothis is the only way though.

Oh monday~ (again)

Its mondayy~~
Omg.. Ngakak sumpah.. Everything i wrote when i having a stress never failed to surprised me. Im so ashamed when i reread what i wrote yesterday.. Hahaha.. It is just like the thing i will spit out if i am drunk. Just leave it be hahaha.. It will be more and more funny as the time pass by. XD
Okay back to topic.
I used to think why most people hate monday, it is just any other day in a week right?
And yeah, i think karma do exits. Me, the one that used to not hate monday, does hate it now. Its not like i hate monday, but the class on monday make me wanna puke.. Mainly because of the physics class. I found physic to be interesting when i was a highscholl-er (how i wish i still am, being in college is not a really nice idea hmm :( ) but the physic here? Ha! I dont even know what the teacher is talking about. Honestly, i am Sitting inside the physic class right now, yaa.. They are  all written in chinese, and are explained with chinese.. Full chinese.. Oh can u imagine how much i resent it. Hmm..
Im fvkng tired with all the chinese characters, why dont this country be a multilingual or just atleast billingual hemm.. It is just everything is translated directly into chinese whether it is good or not. It is like the people in this country are blind alphabetically so they translated it all into chinese instead zzz. Not only that, the thing i hate the most is when all of character name, famous people name, movie novel etc, are all translated into chinese. Omg.. Nama orang bagus bagus smua diubah suka suka. Hemm.. Okay forget it.

The other reason i hate monday is i have class until 9pm, this is not over yet since my deadly deadline is on tuesday, so i still need to rush over my homework alhough iam already so tired from all the class. Okay.. This wrap up my entire monday. Cool isnt it??

And yeah ofcourse second year wont be as nice as now. My achitecture class has been extended into more class. And they said the amount of homework in the second year is freaking a lot yet the level of difficullty is high. Yowes lah.. I have walked into this path of architorture, so i need to enjoy the torture right??? Yah u will get it as soon as you walk the same path as me.. Hahaha.. Wish me luck!! 😇😁

WALAOO EE!!!

WARNING!! IF YOU ARE A PROCRASTINATOR AND WANNA TO BE A BETTER ON IT YOU MAY CONTINUE!
BUT IF YOU DONT WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS STUPID WRITING, THEN I SUGGEST YOU TO INITIATE AN IMMEDIATE LEAVE FROM THIS BLOG!! DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YAA...

THIS WRITING IS JUST SOME RANDOM STUPID WRITING WRITTEN BY HUMAN. ANY SIMILAR CHARACTERISTIC, NAME, OCCASION, EXPERIENCE, IS JUST A COINCIDENCE. WHETHER THIS WRITING MEANS ANY HARM TO YOU OR NOT, IS NOT HAPPEN BY ANY MEANS, SO I DONT FREAKING CARE ABOUT IT!

Iam getting lazier and lazier. Dont know what getting inside me lately, but i dont have the mood to do anything. Procrastinating is the only thing i did. I spent alot of time doing nothing. My mind fly to no where, like having itself on its own journey without me. Haiyaaa.. My work has been left back alot. I dont make any necessary progress. Yeah actually something has been budging me lately.. Hmm.. This thing made my thought flying over and over again. But yeah you know it is something i can say in here but only keep it lock down to myself.
Cinca!! Adohh sikuui lahh.. Hamiknya nihh.. Emcai lahh.. Kodok barbeque rasa lemon goreng lah.. Pusing pala fedrik owalahh.. Tah kenapa loh gini trus ohwnuooohhh...
Kenapa bumi itu ga bulat ajaa sihhh?! Kalo bumi bulat kan pas aku galau" liat laut sama sunset bisa nampak kapal gtu muncul dari ujung duluan nampak cerobong asapanya gtu tutt tuttt...
Trus klo bumi bulat kan matahari jadi bisa terbit dari timur dan tenggelam di barat hufftt.. Ga kek sekarangg..
Trus yah heran aku, sekaligus terkesann, manusia didunia ini banyak yah.. Trus smua pada sifatnya beda beda gtu.. Ga kerann banget kah ityu?? WOW
Trus yah, bumi itu hanya bagian kecil dari populasi kehidupan di semesta ini, trus kenapa kita ga pernah ketemu yah sama org dari planet laen gt? Ato kita pernah ketemu tapindi manipulate memorynya gtu jadi kek ga trjadi apa apa.. Yg berubah cuma selisih detik jam yang terdapat di meja belajar mu.. #apasih
Sejam di bumi tu, brrapa lama yah waktu di tempat mereka berada.. Kemaren yah aku nonton inception.. Wow.. Tah sejam yah di planet laen tah dimana gtu.. Di tempat yg jauuuhhh gelaaappp tak beranginn sampe iklan sunsilk pun ga bisa di buat setara dengan 10 tahun di bumi yah? Lupa deh lol tapi yah mmg time paradox tu mmg keren banget lah.. Ga ngrti aku.. Tahapa hapa ajaa..
Munding mikirin aja misteri misteri yg belum terungkap didunia ini.. Kek mystery box yayy dapat apa ga da yg tauuu yuhuu...

#pardonme
Ini cuma tulisan gajelass yihaa... Macem ketika u lagi rebus keju yang rasanya macem cicak asap yang barusan makan nyamuk #apalah #lupakann #yihaaa #immacrazzyyy yuhuuuu...
Somebody helpp meee!!! Nuoohh!! W uda macem karakter the sims yang udah mau gilak saking kesepiannya... Masalah nya w bukan cuma kesepian lol tapi juga tah lagi musim apa mikirnya random terus gajelass trus jadi ga buat apa apa deh. Udahlahyahh capekk aku... Hijss.. Tpi males tidurr.. Asdfmdkmsjcoslworjfmxowlf

Jam 4.30 dini hari
Senin
Tanggal delapan
Bulan juni
Tahun 2015
Matahari segera terbit
Langit belum menampakkan gejala gejala keterangan
Angin ga tau yah kencang ato ga arahnya dimana, lagi ga diluar
Kelembapan ga tau yah tapi sini lembapnya mnta ampoen
Acnya 23 derajat.. Dah oaling rendah sih
Org kamarnya uda pada tidur semua semenjak 4 jam yang lalu
Setengah jam lagi alarm yg s3 bunyi
Posisi lagi diranjang
Suhu 25 derajat celcius kali?
Suhu badan 36.2 derajat
Gayanya lagi lipa kaki, maen hape sambil berbalut selimut..
Guling disamping kaki ga di pke
Bantalnya dua ditumpuk biar posisi kepalanya lebi wow something ulala gitu.. Lagi ga kebelet pipis sih sekarang
Rambut udah lumayan panjang
Kacamata lagi dipke soalnya lagi nulis blog
Baju pake perpita yg hitam itu loh..
Celana yg pendek hitam abu abu punya..
Celana dalam, beha, behel, popok whatsoever
Trus yah lagi gila
Biasa juga gilak sih
Peer gajelass.. Jelek kali.. Tah buat apa
2 more weeks to final presentation
3 more weeks to summer holiday yihaa.. Tyihaa... Udahlah.. Makin sedih entar.. Nangis pulak!!

Selamat malam yah smua.. Walaupun w bingung kenapa malam itu namanya malam.. Trus kenapa malam itu yg gelap.. Kenapa bukan yg pas terang itu namanya malem.. Trus terang itu apa pun aye bingung yah. Entahlah bahasa ini smua dibuat buat aja. Fake kali pun jadi org.. Huh...

It is almost a year!

Hmm.. Sudah hampir setahunn aku terdampar di kota alien ni. Kota yang lumayan asing bagi saya, yang mana merupakan sesuatu yang lumayan baru dimata saya. gedung gedung tinggi yang berjejer, orang ramai yang berlalu lalang, bahasa yang cukup asing memenuhi seisi kota bagai nyanyian nyamuk  yang menjengkelkan dimalam hari,  dimana bisa dikatakan membuat kota ini terlihat sangat maju dan hidup. But, disamping semua keramaian ini, entah kenapa bagi saya kota ini sangatlah kosong, tak ada artinya, hati saya terasa hampa, sudah bersusah payah aku mencoba untuk mengisi kehampaan ini, but everything feels so flat. Rasanya hidup itu rata banget, ga da adrenalin adrenalin yang mengisi hidup ini. Detik demi detik, jam demi jam, hari demi hari, lewat bgtu saja, tanpa diisi dengan warna" dan hal" yang spesial kecuali... "kesepian"

Yah memang sulit untuk beradaptasi dengan lingkungan yang baru. But being alone and doing everything by yourself is even more harder. Yah mungkin kamu bisa merasa "it's alright, it is nothing, i dont need friend, i can do it all fine by myself", yes it is exactly what i kept it sticking in my head everyday, but as the time goes by, you will slowly feel your heart ripped away, feeling an hollowing inside it. You may trick away people, you may lie your mind but not your heart. Heart can feel every impureness felt by its beholder, so that why even if you kept lying to yourself, your heart will still get the damage by it. Because deep down downn.. Inside my inner heart, i need the figure of friends. I have many friends from social media, we chatted every day, most of us encountered the same problem, but you know, the difference of what you can feel between chatting with you friend and from direct conversation. It is different right? Whenever i wandering inside the city, watching drama, i kept getting jealous of them. Even people in the drama get the ideal figure of friends, yeah maybe it is too perfect for a real life.
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I kept asking myself, why should i be the type that is hard and struggling in making friend. Why cant i be the one that is easily blend inside the community.. Why why.. I keep trying to, but it is too hard, you cant change someone personality. Or else you will ended up as a "fake". just be yourself. Maybe just the time and place is not right enough. But you will get it when the time has come.

Life is never easy dude, people need to be strong, they need to be persistent in order to not being selected by nature. We need to think smart, change the perspective, look from the brighter side, be brave, and most of all, start your action. I know you wont be the one that kept screwing over and over again without getting any resolution right, thats why you need to deal with it, find your best method so you can be the better person. So fedrik, this is from yourself around this time, you can do it! Because no one know you better than me hahahaha!! You are almost there gogogo!!
Goodluck fedrikk wkwkk..