It is almost a year!

Hmm.. Sudah hampir setahunn aku terdampar di kota alien ni. Kota yang lumayan asing bagi saya, yang mana merupakan sesuatu yang lumayan baru dimata saya. gedung gedung tinggi yang berjejer, orang ramai yang berlalu lalang, bahasa yang cukup asing memenuhi seisi kota bagai nyanyian nyamuk  yang menjengkelkan dimalam hari,  dimana bisa dikatakan membuat kota ini terlihat sangat maju dan hidup. But, disamping semua keramaian ini, entah kenapa bagi saya kota ini sangatlah kosong, tak ada artinya, hati saya terasa hampa, sudah bersusah payah aku mencoba untuk mengisi kehampaan ini, but everything feels so flat. Rasanya hidup itu rata banget, ga da adrenalin adrenalin yang mengisi hidup ini. Detik demi detik, jam demi jam, hari demi hari, lewat bgtu saja, tanpa diisi dengan warna" dan hal" yang spesial kecuali... "kesepian"

Yah memang sulit untuk beradaptasi dengan lingkungan yang baru. But being alone and doing everything by yourself is even more harder. Yah mungkin kamu bisa merasa "it's alright, it is nothing, i dont need friend, i can do it all fine by myself", yes it is exactly what i kept it sticking in my head everyday, but as the time goes by, you will slowly feel your heart ripped away, feeling an hollowing inside it. You may trick away people, you may lie your mind but not your heart. Heart can feel every impureness felt by its beholder, so that why even if you kept lying to yourself, your heart will still get the damage by it. Because deep down downn.. Inside my inner heart, i need the figure of friends. I have many friends from social media, we chatted every day, most of us encountered the same problem, but you know, the difference of what you can feel between chatting with you friend and from direct conversation. It is different right? Whenever i wandering inside the city, watching drama, i kept getting jealous of them. Even people in the drama get the ideal figure of friends, yeah maybe it is too perfect for a real life.
..........................................................................
I kept asking myself, why should i be the type that is hard and struggling in making friend. Why cant i be the one that is easily blend inside the community.. Why why.. I keep trying to, but it is too hard, you cant change someone personality. Or else you will ended up as a "fake". just be yourself. Maybe just the time and place is not right enough. But you will get it when the time has come.

Life is never easy dude, people need to be strong, they need to be persistent in order to not being selected by nature. We need to think smart, change the perspective, look from the brighter side, be brave, and most of all, start your action. I know you wont be the one that kept screwing over and over again without getting any resolution right, thats why you need to deal with it, find your best method so you can be the better person. So fedrik, this is from yourself around this time, you can do it! Because no one know you better than me hahahaha!! You are almost there gogogo!!
Goodluck fedrikk wkwkk..