okay.. so the only reason why you saw this blog updated is either i really have something worth of writing or iam really fuck off.. zzz and you know what it is this time =="
pernah ga sih elu merasa elu berada di suatu situasi, di suatu perkumpulan, atau apapun itu tapi rasanya elu itu kek ga dianggap? like you bahkan ga merasa u ada tempat di dunia ini. hanya macem sampah yg ga berarti? seperti bayangan di siang hari yang bahkan tidak diperhatiin oleh orang". rasanya itu ..... sakitt... rasanya itu bahkan lebi parah dari dicabik cabik, rasanya elu bahkan merasa bukan seperti manusia, elu kek merasa, why do you even exist in the first place? why? am i exist just to fill the space of that as an invincible or sth like that. do i even exist in this world? apakah gue itu beneran ada ato cuma ilusi ilusi yang diciptakan buat mengisi dunia ini. gue bahkan uda gatau mesti emosi kek gimana. rasanya itu capek.. lelah.. i don't know what else to do instead of just writing stuffs. gue bahkan ga da org yg bisa dijadikan tpt merepet. karena pada akhirnya gue hanya akan berakhir lebih hurted. yah orang" hanya akan.. "oh gitu, sabar yah" yah itu memang jawaban yang lajim, and i understand that. but yah they just dont even care. why should they care? why should they spent their precious time just to care for somebody who doesn't even worth a shadow. it isnot even their problem, and everytime, i just ended up hurted deeper. it just make me think that i maybe really don't exist anywhere in this world. nobody understand me, and nobody would. (anjing lah ini kamar ribut kali kampret!! pulang lah cepet sana!! ribut kali kau jadi org arrghh) emosii arggghhhhhhhh.... i really reaallyy hate humann.. why human must be this rude.. iam trying to be nice with everybody, but yah.. i got nothing from that. its worthless.. but it is my nature to be that way and i was used to be this way since i was small.. iam the one that care deeply about how others will think, its like i keep prioritizing others feeling first before mine. and i ended up to be the one that is dissapointed and frustated. nobody understand me in which iam the one that need the most affections. Okay, this personallity is annoying. the personality that don't give a shit about others is better since they will always live happily without even putting people bussiness in their mind. ( adoh plis jangan ribut skrang bisa ga sih, w udah bisa bunuh orang ini==""""" i hope u go home now or stay silent monyettt)
yah semua bermula dari acara makan bersama guru grup arsitek gue. sebenarnya gue itu lebih memilih buat makan fancy sendirian dari pada mesti gabung sama org" yang bahkan ga peduli ma gue. it really doesn't worth it. habisin kira" 200k idr hanya buat lunch yang bahkan ga gue nikmati sama sekali. gue bahkan disana ga berselera. even menunya smua mereka yang milih, which is still okay for me since i dont have the mood to read the menu. parahnya kek panggangan bbqnya di domisili ma mreka. dan gue hanya menjepit jepit daging yg sudah mereka bakar.. tahapa aja. yah w karena orgnya cincai yah biarin aaja.. yg paling nyesek pas mereka mulai ngobrol".. fyi we have been in the same group for a semester. but our relationship hasn't get any further. yah gue dengerin mrka ngobrol gaje sama guru sambil refill minuman dengan tiga macem minuman berbeda terus menerus. sialnya hape gue udah mati, so i need to like pay attention to them. but i did spacing out the whole time. grup w itu ada satu orang taiwan yg dari kecil tgl di amrik jadi mandarinnya hancur juga. but, segrup itu kek smua pada peduli ama dia. kek apa apa mrka ngurusin terus. dibantu".. di ajak ngobrol walau dia ga ngrti. di tanya"in. wait! they don't ever ask me anything this whole semester. padahal kita hanya berdelapan yang stuck di semester 2 ini. but yeah, gue kek kena left out gitu.. the only thing that my studio teacher asked me was do you go back to malaysia this summer. helloo.. im indonesiann.. we meet every week but u don't even know im from indonesian. the first time i corrected you from being mistaken me from vietnam, i have already said that iam indonesian. and and and ==".. u reaally dont carreee.. u only care from the american one. all of them keep asking question to him. how are u doing this semester.. it must be hard since u are not from taiwan. what at=re you going to do for summer? and many more.. gue mendengar itu, hanya bisa duduk terdiam, tersenyum sangar sambil bermain" dgn gelas minum gue. and i was spacing out again.. singkat cerita setlah makan kita mengambil bbrpa foto bersama, and i at least tried not to fake a smile. i still remember the last time i took a photo with them, all of the comment was about how fake my smile was. after struggling to get the best smile i could afford that time, we parted with the teacher and going back school. on the way every one is walking 2 by 2. we are 8 but one of the girl parted sooner so i left me out odd. yeah gue macem angin yang berharap dapat cepet" bisa berdiam di tempat tujuan tanpa harus berterbangan ga da arah dgn mrka lagi. arrghhh i hate humannnnn!! humann!! they are not treating me as a human nor a friend. just like some stranger yang keberadaannya ga penting. padahal gue udah baik" ma mrka, trying to start a conversation, asking bout their condition whatever but but but arggghhh shittoopiii.. ah i hate thiss... why the amrik yang bahkan kek ga peduli ma apa apa di peduliin terus ma mereka.. it is fvking annoying.. just what did i do wrongg... why does it look like nobody want to befriend me here. am i really that annoying? that disgusting or whateverr..??? it is so painful.. rasanya aduhh mau gimana bilang.. i can't even describe it with words.
im so soory to make u guys keep reading this kind of post. but this is the only way i can describe all my feelings. though it is not really all out but at least it can make me feel better.. this is why i create this blog in the first place. only from writing alone can 1 describe about my complicated feeling. iam not good in expressing directly sothis is the only way though.
pernah ga sih elu merasa elu berada di suatu situasi, di suatu perkumpulan, atau apapun itu tapi rasanya elu itu kek ga dianggap? like you bahkan ga merasa u ada tempat di dunia ini. hanya macem sampah yg ga berarti? seperti bayangan di siang hari yang bahkan tidak diperhatiin oleh orang". rasanya itu ..... sakitt... rasanya itu bahkan lebi parah dari dicabik cabik, rasanya elu bahkan merasa bukan seperti manusia, elu kek merasa, why do you even exist in the first place? why? am i exist just to fill the space of that as an invincible or sth like that. do i even exist in this world? apakah gue itu beneran ada ato cuma ilusi ilusi yang diciptakan buat mengisi dunia ini. gue bahkan uda gatau mesti emosi kek gimana. rasanya itu capek.. lelah.. i don't know what else to do instead of just writing stuffs. gue bahkan ga da org yg bisa dijadikan tpt merepet. karena pada akhirnya gue hanya akan berakhir lebih hurted. yah orang" hanya akan.. "oh gitu, sabar yah" yah itu memang jawaban yang lajim, and i understand that. but yah they just dont even care. why should they care? why should they spent their precious time just to care for somebody who doesn't even worth a shadow. it isnot even their problem, and everytime, i just ended up hurted deeper. it just make me think that i maybe really don't exist anywhere in this world. nobody understand me, and nobody would. (anjing lah ini kamar ribut kali kampret!! pulang lah cepet sana!! ribut kali kau jadi org arrghh) emosii arggghhhhhhhh.... i really reaallyy hate humann.. why human must be this rude.. iam trying to be nice with everybody, but yah.. i got nothing from that. its worthless.. but it is my nature to be that way and i was used to be this way since i was small.. iam the one that care deeply about how others will think, its like i keep prioritizing others feeling first before mine. and i ended up to be the one that is dissapointed and frustated. nobody understand me in which iam the one that need the most affections. Okay, this personallity is annoying. the personality that don't give a shit about others is better since they will always live happily without even putting people bussiness in their mind. ( adoh plis jangan ribut skrang bisa ga sih, w udah bisa bunuh orang ini==""""" i hope u go home now or stay silent monyettt)
yah semua bermula dari acara makan bersama guru grup arsitek gue. sebenarnya gue itu lebih memilih buat makan fancy sendirian dari pada mesti gabung sama org" yang bahkan ga peduli ma gue. it really doesn't worth it. habisin kira" 200k idr hanya buat lunch yang bahkan ga gue nikmati sama sekali. gue bahkan disana ga berselera. even menunya smua mereka yang milih, which is still okay for me since i dont have the mood to read the menu. parahnya kek panggangan bbqnya di domisili ma mreka. dan gue hanya menjepit jepit daging yg sudah mereka bakar.. tahapa aja. yah w karena orgnya cincai yah biarin aaja.. yg paling nyesek pas mereka mulai ngobrol".. fyi we have been in the same group for a semester. but our relationship hasn't get any further. yah gue dengerin mrka ngobrol gaje sama guru sambil refill minuman dengan tiga macem minuman berbeda terus menerus. sialnya hape gue udah mati, so i need to like pay attention to them. but i did spacing out the whole time. grup w itu ada satu orang taiwan yg dari kecil tgl di amrik jadi mandarinnya hancur juga. but, segrup itu kek smua pada peduli ama dia. kek apa apa mrka ngurusin terus. dibantu".. di ajak ngobrol walau dia ga ngrti. di tanya"in. wait! they don't ever ask me anything this whole semester. padahal kita hanya berdelapan yang stuck di semester 2 ini. but yeah, gue kek kena left out gitu.. the only thing that my studio teacher asked me was do you go back to malaysia this summer. helloo.. im indonesiann.. we meet every week but u don't even know im from indonesian. the first time i corrected you from being mistaken me from vietnam, i have already said that iam indonesian. and and and ==".. u reaally dont carreee.. u only care from the american one. all of them keep asking question to him. how are u doing this semester.. it must be hard since u are not from taiwan. what at=re you going to do for summer? and many more.. gue mendengar itu, hanya bisa duduk terdiam, tersenyum sangar sambil bermain" dgn gelas minum gue. and i was spacing out again.. singkat cerita setlah makan kita mengambil bbrpa foto bersama, and i at least tried not to fake a smile. i still remember the last time i took a photo with them, all of the comment was about how fake my smile was. after struggling to get the best smile i could afford that time, we parted with the teacher and going back school. on the way every one is walking 2 by 2. we are 8 but one of the girl parted sooner so i left me out odd. yeah gue macem angin yang berharap dapat cepet" bisa berdiam di tempat tujuan tanpa harus berterbangan ga da arah dgn mrka lagi. arrghhh i hate humannnnn!! humann!! they are not treating me as a human nor a friend. just like some stranger yang keberadaannya ga penting. padahal gue udah baik" ma mrka, trying to start a conversation, asking bout their condition whatever but but but arggghhh shittoopiii.. ah i hate thiss... why the amrik yang bahkan kek ga peduli ma apa apa di peduliin terus ma mereka.. it is fvking annoying.. just what did i do wrongg... why does it look like nobody want to befriend me here. am i really that annoying? that disgusting or whateverr..??? it is so painful.. rasanya aduhh mau gimana bilang.. i can't even describe it with words.
im so soory to make u guys keep reading this kind of post. but this is the only way i can describe all my feelings. though it is not really all out but at least it can make me feel better.. this is why i create this blog in the first place. only from writing alone can 1 describe about my complicated feeling. iam not good in expressing directly sothis is the only way though.
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