Sometimes.. Sometimes ... I ask me why, i wonder why, this question keep wandering inside my mind like the thrust empty wind. I don't know whats this feeling that keeps hollowing me. Haunting me, insisted for some revelation or whatever you call it. Just there is a time, i would feel myself so pitiful. I know i am not in the condition to pity my self in contrast to them with the worse situation. But this is just some kind of thought okay. This is just the little question that has been hardening all this time inside my deepest heart. I've been holding up for all this time you know. I've kept telling myself, lying to my self, convincing myself, that i am alright, that i am fine, that i've go through well. But deep inside, i feel so lonely. For all this time,, farrr since i am such a small innocent boy. I keep asking to myself, i keep asking my mom, i keep looking around desperately, searching for one solid reason that i wish i could really understand. whyy whyy just whyy am i so lonely, what wrong i have done for me to be such a lonely child. Just why am i be the one that can only want to have the warm, happy, feeling of having their dear friends beside them. Ive been longing for this all this time. I am so lonely you know, why for all the things i have to be the one who plays by himself, accepting toys to be his only friend, while all the child of his age playing happily together. I wonder why, i wish i could really know why, But everything only remains as why.. Why?? I dont know exactly why. It is just a why? And you know why? Don't ask me why.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
Bad Day
apes apes apess... kempes sekaliann.. apes banget gue hari ini.. zzz... saya terbangun dengan panggilan terakhir alarm handphone saya sebelum dia... meninggal t.t saya terpaku melihat handphone gue yg segera mati setelah aku mematikan alarmnya. yeahh just like that.. then i charged it again dan menyadari bahwa hasil cas gue semalaman itu berujung pada 0% zzz.. akhrnya saya meninggalkan alrm gue ddan segeran bergegas ke kelas. yep.. saya telat masuk kelas, dan lebih apesnya saya harus mendengar ocehan ocehan guru mandarin yang tak jelas selama 3 jam tanpa hp. yeshh.. it was the longest lessons in my life.. -.-. setelah lonceng tnda berakhirnya kelas berbunyi, saya bergegas kembali kekamar untuk mengambil hp saya.. and you know whatt... still 0% what the heck is going on!!! saya kemudian mencoba menghidupkan ponsel saya berkali kali, tetapi sama sekali tidak ada hasilnya. malahan sekarang ketika saya mencolok charger ke ponsel saya. layar ponsel saya hanya diam membisu dengan mukanya yang hitam menatapi diri saya. yes singkat cerita, hape saya rusak, dan saya ada ujian pada jam pelajaran berikutnya. parahnya itu, syaa sama sekali tidak memiliki kamus untuk menstranslate satu per satu soalnya. kemudian i teringat dgn alfalink saya.. teng tenggg.. seberkas harapan turun dari surga dan segera masuk ke tartarus ketika saya menemukan baterai didalam alfalink gue melelehh yeaahh! i changed it into a new one and it didnt work anymore. so i just went to class empty handed and with empty heart ofc because my phone is my soul as an ansos in the school. singkat ceritanya lagi saya ujian dengan seluruh kekuatan bulan dan matahari. kemudia bergegas utk ke lenovo service center yg tak tau dimana tempatnya. sya google dri laptop kemudia terbang ke sana sesegera mungkin. sesampai disana saya sejam muter muter ga jelas, dan untungnya saya sebelumnya ada memoto mapnya dgn dslr. and finally i went to that face and lined up. gue itu antri selama setengah jam, sambil menonton eluhan dari para customer akan laptop laptop mrka. yeah laptop everywhere no handphone dan saya sudah mulai gelisah. setelah nomor ai di panggil, dan ai ngobrol" dgn orgnya, rupanya katanya we can't help you, because we don't sell any lenovo phone in this country, dengan bahasa aliennya yg alhamdulilah saya ngerti. singkat ceritanya lagi dan lagi saya menyerah dan berencana utk ganti hape baru hiksss.. but ilove this phone... hiaaaa akhrnya saya pergi ke stasiun utk makan makanan indo dan indahnya bagaikan bintang" di surga, tokonya udah tutup walau baru jam 7 malam. wthhh! so i decided to go to ramen house yg katanya terkenal akan kelezatan dan haragnya yg ekonmomis. dan lagi lagiii saya pesan menu yg luar biasa enak... rasanya hambar, dagingnya mengelikan and totally, ga enak pake bangett!!! zzzzz karena udah stress banget karena merasa apes banget hari ini, sya berencana utk beli es krimm yayyy finally... saya beli double scoop dan dengan anggunnya menyodorkan 35NTD ke orangnya karena biasa harganya gitu. dan ternyata saya ke stand yg berbeda dan harganya 65NTD apalah yahh!! yasudah lah bayar aja pikirku.. saat mau meraih recehaan didalam dompetku, ai ai penjga tokonya kmudian berteriakk, and the next thing i know, scoop eskrimku jatuh dengan elegannya ke tanah... SH**t gigik lah yahhhh.. utgnya ainya yg merasa agak kasihan dengan guenya rela memberikan gue bonus eskrim yg bagus... and then i just went blank.. duduk terdiam, menyantap eskrim tanda kasihan, sambil melihat orang" gila menari" didepan layar tipi.. ckckckk.. okay singkatnyaa lagiiii saya berbgegas pulang karena tak mau ada hal aneh aneh lagi yg terjadi.. soo now,, saya stress bangettt... akan ga da hpp tugas yg menumpukkkk, baju kotor ku yg belum cuci... sampah kertas kertas yang berserakan oHNOO okayy gotta go bye!
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Unproductive Day
Not in the mood. Don't know why.. just feel sad :( just want to write something here cause i dunno what to do. just feel an empty hollow inside my chest as if a spear just burst into my abdoment and leave an snatched away my feelings. like when i wake up this morning, everything started then. i wake up with the thought of chasing my approaching deadline on 4 o'clock this noon. what else will ruined your mood as hurt as this when the very first thing you think of when when opening your sticky, watery eyes with yeah short amount of sleep, sleepy face, super messy bed hair ive never get before, is your homework. the homework which is still far beyond completeness, and will never be complete by 4. i focused all of my energy on getting out of bed, it is really hard and i took 1 hour of snooze on my alarm before finally waking up. it was already 10 and i rushed to make some oat meal and started to do my model. at least i thought i could make up something by 4 instead of empty-handed in front of the teacher. it is an instant death of course. just imagine you had to present empty-handed in front of ur friends and teacher. it is justt too muchh.. i cant bear it thinking of how much i've embarassed myself infront of them. But this didn't seem to be any problem to just called him awan. This guy is so so something. he never failed to WOW me. because out of everybody out there, nobody beside me know the feeling of being the most stupid foreign student "at the moment". I put emphasis on it, since it is just for temporary. because i've started get a hold of their tail, and soon over their head hahaha.. Better Watch out yeah!! okay let's back to awan, not because of his extraordinary skill or an extravagant design that manage to wow me. but his persistency. we are already in the thirds weeks. fyi my studio program is 1 topics per month. so we keep sending out our idea and make the model every weeks, and listen to the teacher whether we could continue to develop our model or need another extra one. as everybody would assume that we would have done so much thing for the last third weeks. Of course iam not the one that has reached the minimum requirement that the teacher wants each week. since i got it wrong on the second week so i need to repeat it. As for this person, awan, he is so great. he hasn't did any single things for this past 3 weeks. no he did some. but he kept getting it wrong. So in just one week by the final presentation he hasn't even get any single clue on his design. and today, he appeared empty-handed. OMG, i don't know how much pressure he must have gotten. and i know if it would be me, i won't be coming to the class and just give up on this project. i know it is hard. i know you must not clearly understand the topic, the teacher, and everything!! i do know it! because the same very thing also happen to me. but could you at least try to figure it out for urself? youre not back in state anymore. u are alone in this country and u need to support yourself. you need to wrk harder than anybody else, not easier than them. it is just like you are not trying at all. i knowww... because i was exactly like that last semester. i spent my whole homework time on Galauing over my project not doing anything cause i don't know what should i do, and yet, what did i get? just get my time more limited and i still need to finish it because we must. my previous teacher is not as scary as now. but you can't do that. not just because the teacher is kind and you can do all what you want. the teacher is trying his best not to put so much pressure on us. because he do know whats the pain of being an architecture student. hahahaha okay thats all about awan. just wanna to make my heart at ease.. so no offence.
After class, i spotted my bule friend circled by a few taiwanese people. they just errr.. chatting so happily... she's got a friend finally huh... make me feel so sad lol im sorry hahaa.. just when iam trying to get over my loneliness by comparing it to others with also no friend to get stronger, and she's got a friend. hahaha but thats fine.. atleast i also kind of close with her so im fine with it hahaha.. 人說在台灣念書特別不容易 i always heard this sentence coming out from mouth over mouth, included mine. everybody felt that way. it need a lot of efforts and an extra strength to survive in here. and of course, it is hard. incredibly hard. moreover with their lack of english proficiency and ours of chinese hahahaaa. it is just u tried to understand animal's language. yes, i've always tried to be strong. we need to put that mind idle on our mind. not to let it go. so we can stay positive and strong everytime. but.... we don't always need to be strong right? we don't need to be the side that always suffer. we also need a rest, a rest of always trying to put up a strong act. we sometimes, need to put an ease and cry a river, we don't need to hold back. crying doesn't mean you are weak. sometimes, we need a warm shoulder we can lean on, when we don't have the strength to stand alone. we need to escape from all this cruel and fierce reality for a while.So for all of my friends out there, jia you ba.. we can do it derr!! wo men yi ding ke yi de!! bie fang qi!! 放棄不是選擇 !! and ofcourse!! suicide also not an option! so stay out of it okay!! especially to jolie cie and artis furen...
PS: artis furen jangan galau terus kau! u galau sok kali jadinya huhh wkwkwkwkk kek gimana gitu. gue nampak temen gini yah bilangin terus #guemahorangnyabegitu
Ohyeahh.. i almost forget an important part of this day!
CONGRATULATION ON MY GALON TUAPUI FRIEND!!! So happy to hear you achieving scholarship for being the first rank of the class.. SUMPAH ini anak keceh banget.. gila bahh... emaang lah worth it banget.. tiap malam gadang mpe pagi.. sering ga tidur hanya buat pr designnya... and yet! u prove it! that hardworks worth it all... Dan orang taiwan itu tak ada apa apanya.. cuma alien semata wkwkwkwkwk!! once again congrats dehh... keren banget lah gilekss.. rank 1 omoooo... Baek baek deh yahh di jurusan u skrg.. keep up the work!! smoga jadi designer terkenal duehh wkwkwk.
Behind the scene : gue tulis ini karena gue sedikit kesel. wkwkwkwk.. just when i told my roomie.. Danjo that kaem itu ranking satuu...dia balasnya dengan wow wow gitu trus bilang iyah sihh worth it lah dia udah berjuang keras. gigik ga sih ato karena akunya yg lagi sensi, minta di tampar pake tisu basah. otak gue memproses kata" itu dengan perspektif yang 180 derajat berbeda dengan maksudnya si danjo. iyah sih selama ini si danjo itu tau kalo si galon itu asik gila"an buat pr dari ceritanya gue. trus saat dia blg dia worth it banget karena uda berjuang itu rasanya.... something sharp peirced through my heartt... sakit banget rasanya... yah gimana ga sakit... roomate gue, yang tiap hari liat gue streess"an ngerjaain tugas mulu Or he doesnt know idont care but ketika dia bilang si galon berjuang keras banget itu saya rasanya.... terdiam. . . . . . . rasanya seluruh arus dalam tubuh ku itu berhenti sejenak.. gue rasanya tidak berguna banget. gue rasanya bagaikan kacang kering yang semakin mengering dibwah cahaya terang lampu di atas meja. yah kenapa enggak. soalnya saya itu merasa saya udah berjuaang bangett, gila gila an, dan smua itu hanya buat dapat mengejar ketertinggalan saya, hanya buat saya hampir bisa berada di satu garis dengan temen temen kelas. not in da top.. yah juga bukan guenya yg so ambitious, yang bisa gila gila mau buat yg terbgu. yang sebagus"an giaman gitu. yah karena gue juga orangnya ga gila amet yh, ngorbanin kesehatan buat nilai bagus hahahaa... gue sih biasa aja.. malahan puas bahkan karena gue uda ga sebodoh semester kemaren hahahaa... but after all.. ketika mendengar sepatah kata yg dilontarkan danjo tsb, saya merasa tertusuk tusuk wkwkwkwkkwkkwk..
Ohiya ada lagi... just karena itu sigalon mau rayain dia dapat beasiswa gituuu.... jadi dia ajak gue dan si artis furen buat keluar. toh kita juga uda lama ga keluar bareng soalnya masing" tugasnya sibuk tujuh delapan keliling. wkwkwk.. and you know whattt.. ketika kita udah pada siap" untuk keluar, kebetulan kita bertiga sedang kosong malam ini. tiba tibaaa.... eh tiba tiba ckckck si artis tiba tiba bilang dia ga jadi keluar... what?? okelah yah kalo emang ga bisa.. but oh but alsannya itu kalo dia mau nyuci baju.. #tweplak! yaelahh.. tinggalin ato gimana aja kek.. kan pake mesin.. pake acara tar bajunya bau anjing lahh... takut sempaknya dipegang orang lah.. keranjang baju jadi ring basket lah apalah itu.. ngakak ga sih?? enggak yah?? wkwkwkwkk yah mau gimana juga yah.. namanya juga artis yah gitu dehh.. bedaa mahh bedahhh... #artismahorangnyabegitu agak high high gmna gtu.. kek habis nge-bar minum 5 gentong bir trus muntah muntah then fly high up to the sky deh.. jadi bidadari cantik.. hmmm... dan sekarang dia cuma read terus chat gue.. okay finee... bakat artis makin muncul udah kalo lagi galau.. oke fineee #artismahbegituorangnya wwkwkwkwkwkwkk #nooffenceyah artis.. jangan karena w tulis gini, u gugat w pake 10 pengacara bilang pencemaran nama baik gimana gitu.. tar gue kan jadi terkenal.. gimana dong lol oke BAY!
After class, i spotted my bule friend circled by a few taiwanese people. they just errr.. chatting so happily... she's got a friend finally huh... make me feel so sad lol im sorry hahaa.. just when iam trying to get over my loneliness by comparing it to others with also no friend to get stronger, and she's got a friend. hahaha but thats fine.. atleast i also kind of close with her so im fine with it hahaha.. 人說在台灣念書特別不容易 i always heard this sentence coming out from mouth over mouth, included mine. everybody felt that way. it need a lot of efforts and an extra strength to survive in here. and of course, it is hard. incredibly hard. moreover with their lack of english proficiency and ours of chinese hahahaaa. it is just u tried to understand animal's language. yes, i've always tried to be strong. we need to put that mind idle on our mind. not to let it go. so we can stay positive and strong everytime. but.... we don't always need to be strong right? we don't need to be the side that always suffer. we also need a rest, a rest of always trying to put up a strong act. we sometimes, need to put an ease and cry a river, we don't need to hold back. crying doesn't mean you are weak. sometimes, we need a warm shoulder we can lean on, when we don't have the strength to stand alone. we need to escape from all this cruel and fierce reality for a while.So for all of my friends out there, jia you ba.. we can do it derr!! wo men yi ding ke yi de!! bie fang qi!! 放棄不是選擇 !! and ofcourse!! suicide also not an option! so stay out of it okay!! especially to jolie cie and artis furen...
PS: artis furen jangan galau terus kau! u galau sok kali jadinya huhh wkwkwkwkk kek gimana gitu. gue nampak temen gini yah bilangin terus #guemahorangnyabegitu
Ohyeahh.. i almost forget an important part of this day!
CONGRATULATION ON MY GALON TUAPUI FRIEND!!! So happy to hear you achieving scholarship for being the first rank of the class.. SUMPAH ini anak keceh banget.. gila bahh... emaang lah worth it banget.. tiap malam gadang mpe pagi.. sering ga tidur hanya buat pr designnya... and yet! u prove it! that hardworks worth it all... Dan orang taiwan itu tak ada apa apanya.. cuma alien semata wkwkwkwkwk!! once again congrats dehh... keren banget lah gilekss.. rank 1 omoooo... Baek baek deh yahh di jurusan u skrg.. keep up the work!! smoga jadi designer terkenal duehh wkwkwk.
Behind the scene : gue tulis ini karena gue sedikit kesel. wkwkwkwk.. just when i told my roomie.. Danjo that kaem itu ranking satuu...dia balasnya dengan wow wow gitu trus bilang iyah sihh worth it lah dia udah berjuang keras. gigik ga sih ato karena akunya yg lagi sensi, minta di tampar pake tisu basah. otak gue memproses kata" itu dengan perspektif yang 180 derajat berbeda dengan maksudnya si danjo. iyah sih selama ini si danjo itu tau kalo si galon itu asik gila"an buat pr dari ceritanya gue. trus saat dia blg dia worth it banget karena uda berjuang itu rasanya.... something sharp peirced through my heartt... sakit banget rasanya... yah gimana ga sakit... roomate gue, yang tiap hari liat gue streess"an ngerjaain tugas mulu Or he doesnt know idont care but ketika dia bilang si galon berjuang keras banget itu saya rasanya.... terdiam. . . . . . . rasanya seluruh arus dalam tubuh ku itu berhenti sejenak.. gue rasanya tidak berguna banget. gue rasanya bagaikan kacang kering yang semakin mengering dibwah cahaya terang lampu di atas meja. yah kenapa enggak. soalnya saya itu merasa saya udah berjuaang bangett, gila gila an, dan smua itu hanya buat dapat mengejar ketertinggalan saya, hanya buat saya hampir bisa berada di satu garis dengan temen temen kelas. not in da top.. yah juga bukan guenya yg so ambitious, yang bisa gila gila mau buat yg terbgu. yang sebagus"an giaman gitu. yah karena gue juga orangnya ga gila amet yh, ngorbanin kesehatan buat nilai bagus hahahaa... gue sih biasa aja.. malahan puas bahkan karena gue uda ga sebodoh semester kemaren hahahaa... but after all.. ketika mendengar sepatah kata yg dilontarkan danjo tsb, saya merasa tertusuk tusuk wkwkwkwkkwkkwk..
Ohiya ada lagi... just karena itu sigalon mau rayain dia dapat beasiswa gituuu.... jadi dia ajak gue dan si artis furen buat keluar. toh kita juga uda lama ga keluar bareng soalnya masing" tugasnya sibuk tujuh delapan keliling. wkwkwk.. and you know whattt.. ketika kita udah pada siap" untuk keluar, kebetulan kita bertiga sedang kosong malam ini. tiba tibaaa.... eh tiba tiba ckckck si artis tiba tiba bilang dia ga jadi keluar... what?? okelah yah kalo emang ga bisa.. but oh but alsannya itu kalo dia mau nyuci baju.. #tweplak! yaelahh.. tinggalin ato gimana aja kek.. kan pake mesin.. pake acara tar bajunya bau anjing lahh... takut sempaknya dipegang orang lah.. keranjang baju jadi ring basket lah apalah itu.. ngakak ga sih?? enggak yah?? wkwkwkwkk yah mau gimana juga yah.. namanya juga artis yah gitu dehh.. bedaa mahh bedahhh... #artismahorangnyabegitu agak high high gmna gtu.. kek habis nge-bar minum 5 gentong bir trus muntah muntah then fly high up to the sky deh.. jadi bidadari cantik.. hmmm... dan sekarang dia cuma read terus chat gue.. okay finee... bakat artis makin muncul udah kalo lagi galau.. oke fineee #artismahbegituorangnya wwkwkwkwkwkwkk #nooffenceyah artis.. jangan karena w tulis gini, u gugat w pake 10 pengacara bilang pencemaran nama baik gimana gitu.. tar gue kan jadi terkenal.. gimana dong lol oke BAY!
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