one year, i recalled, the amount of time have i spent in the darkness. i lost myself in thoughts, trying to bear it all on my own, created a barrier to separate myself from the society. i used to think i can do it alright, i can bear it, i can take it on my own. and before i know it, i put myself in the disadvantages. i manipulated my mind and lied to myself. a year, indeed, i have lived my life in it. but now, i can't bear it no more, i can't take it anymore. I've had enough. i fed up with all this architecture things. i am sick of being the class's idiot, i don't want to take any strange gaze every time i don't know what to answer. i hate it every time i lost myself in wondering where did all of this stupid things come from. i hate being the useless one in the class. i hate it when no body want to approach you since you're not useful. This thought had been stirring up in my mind for the whole semester. which the climax was last week. this made me so depressed and really want to escape from everything. i talked to a lot of my friends, listening to their opinion, but still, no motivation seems to enter my mind. Nothing can make me to stay anymore. i can't imagine myself sitting between them enduring the stress anymore. I DON"T WANT IT ANYMORE!!! i... i'm.. afraid. i don't have the courage to show up, with my stupid design anymore. and i realize i never really like what i do for the whole year, but refuse to accept it. but now, i understand. it's not just the matter of surviving. so finally, i come up with this solution, after talking to my family, i cried a lot (excuse me okay), and they support me for every step i took. they also let me to drop my architecture and change my major. So, now the only thing i need to do is to believe in myself. No regret is allowed. and think properly for my destination. One year of hardship and experience should be use properly.
Okay.. Believe and live your life...
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