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:(((.. when i looked back at my previous few posts, it seemed so chaotic
, i wrote it in a black off condition. if you ever asked me how is my condition now, nope.. i’m still very depressed.. or even worse yeaahh... to make it worsen.. i can’t find the wood material for my model. yes i do find the shop but it is closed on weekend, lucky me, and i need to throw the model into the teacher’s face on sunday. zzzz i get really down, sitting alone like crazy, mumbling nonsense, my face is even scarier than hulk, paler than vampire, and all my work left undone. if you put it in three words "i give up". you know, i just can continue all of this "things" any more (at least for this weeks) i don’t even try to imagine the next few weeks until final presentation it is just too hard for me, it’s cool i managed all of this until this week, i kept struggling, going up and down, tried everything by MYself, and passed all of the hell-ist weeks. but for this case, it is just too much for me, i can’t find the right material, i never had history in carpentering, i don’t know how to make my model to stand firm, since it is 2,2 meter high and according to my ability which i know the best, i can’t do it. i need someone who can stay by myside, no no no.. literally someone who can help me doing all of this things or maybe encourage me. not to give up, etc. it is really essential as of me right now. it will mean a whole world. the only solution i can come up with is just skipping the tuesday class by faking a sick. huff, but still it is an important class so i still need to submit it later. but it is better, although all of my works now has been abandoned, nothing has been progressing since the day before yesterday. i don’t have any thought and mood to do that right now. all i want is to let go all of this things, but my bad, due to my personality i can abandoned my homework but keep thinking in regret every seconds in my mind. so i cant really leave it.. shit.. my nature is so something. and i am also the type that is putting alot of thought into something, so there is no days for me to calm as long as i still have homework. especially the model making, i’m hating it. just why from so many place in the world must taiwan be a country that specially divided the high school into a specific-taught highschool. i mean they focusing on one major in preparation for the college. hmmm._. so the university claimed that all of the student already know the basic and they didn’t start from the basic anymore.. hufft -_- even my friend that is majoring architecture in a well-known university in the state wasn’t as hard as this. they haven’t dealt with all this model making stuff. all they had is learning the architecture basic and theory. that’s all. pretty damn nice right. they dealt with model making in second year, when you’ve already adapting to the environment and making a hell of friends. and the most crucial one, you are in the same level with your classmate. in my cases it is so so so unbalanced and unfair. we had alot of difference by skill technique and experience, so that what makes me inferior. ;( it is so sadd.. do you understand my situation?? maybe not.. except you have ever experienced it by yourself. even i’m confused by my own confussion. since it is this hard, just why i kept wanting my roomate to understand my situation. yeah.. we are all indonesian but they three are in the same major. ckckck... their major is just so nice that make me envy everytime i looked at them. yeahh they did know i’m stress. but all they know is just i have a hell of homework and lack of sleep. they dont know the hardship i have encounter all from the first day of my achitecture class. and the one that make my blood forcefully pumped to my brain is their saying i’m so happy for not having any exam, you just need to do some physical endurance, not having to use your brain so hard unlike us. grrrrrrr!! helloooo.... who says architect dont need to think?! who says it is easy?!! who says we don’t need to use our brain a lot??!! we do need to think alot ! it is not easy ! ==" even it is far harder than your major ! -_- iam not saying this merely based on emotional thinking, yeah! i do get irritated by you guys, but iam saying this since my high school is not just an ordinary high school (or i just bragging it) but it is far better than your high school. so i can clearly say that your first year is still easy, it is just reminding you of your high school lessons! andd architecture give me stress far alot than i got back when iam having exam in high school. it is far far far harder. you need to press your brain even harder than while you are studying for your final ! keep that in mind ! just don’t annoyed me with that crap anymore. i am getting all sensitive since i lack of sleep and in foul mood every day! so please don’t mess up with me ! ==". No Offense !!
i know architecture is hard, and adding my nature into it, it’s getting far harder zzzzz... i always thinking of changing my major but it is hasn’t been in a goog thought. i don’t have time to clearly think about it. surviving is the most important part now. i don’t think i can survive my first year like this zzz i need to change! maybe some meditation during winter break zzz... my senior from last year was also given up in architecture. yeah mostly got the same problem! and we are both male! so maybe this can be called "male’s problem" hah?! i have one other senior that is surviving in the third year, iam quite admiring her, because she can survive until this far. but the observation so far is maybe she is a GIRL! i thinks that hit right in the place. because people tend to pay more attention to a girl, especially if you have quite a beauty and it will drive you into having alot of friends. and having alot of friends mean having a lot of motivation! maybe that’s what making her so strong. huh... but yeah.. i will keep going for it for a while and give a better thought. i really want to not thinking too much since it will just a waste of time and can drive you crazy. anyway good luck for everybody out there. may you can solve your own problem in a good ways hahahaa